You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
