Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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