Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
