I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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