my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
