I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
