do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
