how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
