They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
