...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
