i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
