My hand turned me down
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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