I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
