she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
