haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
