capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
