you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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