Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So here I am, sexting at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
