why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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