I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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