Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is classic penis vs brain.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
