Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
