Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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