No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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