I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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