brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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