AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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