Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
