The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
