you guys were way drunker than both of me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
