pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
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