put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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