"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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