His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
