Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
