Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
