You just made me feel so damn special
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
