so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
