Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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