the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
