i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
50% drunk capacity currently
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
