We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
