so that wasnt chicken after all
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
