Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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