Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
