she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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