Don't make out with my wife yet
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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