Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
