I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
