Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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