he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
