anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
