All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
