now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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