Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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