2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
