And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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