her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
