Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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