Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
