She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
