I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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