i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
