I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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