i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
