i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
