It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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