what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
