Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
