Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
