dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
