Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
